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[ChrisGeorge]

Latest version--

Evening Sun on Fleet Street, July 2012

The miniatures in the mini-bar line up like chessmen;
I don't know that I'll be docked for any bottle I disturb.
The heavens piss down drenching New Bridge Street,
prevent me walking over to the Black Friars pub for a pint,
though I don't fancy being cheek-by-jowl with stocktraders,
chiseled out of a table, nursing the pain in my left shoulder
from schlepping my case on the Tube from Heathrow.
I watch two Union Jacks twisting round their poles
beneath my hotel window. When the rain ceases,
I ignore the Black Friars, wander north to Fleet Street
as sun strikes the gold finials of St. Paul's. And I know
I can't share this moment with you: we are an ocean apart
instead of a room apart -- you chuckling at cat videos, I
enjoying an old Poirot. I watch two bobbies in flak jackets
detain a long-haired guy outside a shuttered bank,
ease my way into the Olde Cheshire Cheese, order
a pint of stout and a steak pie, forced to stand at the bar
to medicate my wounded shoulder. An hour later,
the coppers, an army of four, have the same guy
cross-legged on the pavement as I walk past, begin my trek
back to my hotel, on a damp London evening without you.

Christopher T. George



Earlier version --

Evening Sun on Fleet Street, July 2012

I watch an afternoon squall drench New Bridge Street,
as crimson buses, cars, and cyclists stream south to cross

Blackfriars Bridge. Two Union Jacks twist round
flagpoles below my hotel window. City workers

and orange hardhats surge toward the Tube station.
The rain ceases -- I wander north to Fleet Street.  Now sun

strikes the gold finials of St. Paul's over the rooftops,
weathervane of St. Bride's wedding-cake spire up an alley.

I am reminded of you visiting friends in Philly. I am feeling
the ache of your absence. As it readies for the Olympics,

the government's drafted in military to make up for a shortage
in security.  I watch two bobbies in dark blue flak jackets patrol,

arrest a long-haired guy outside a shuttered bank. I duck into
the Olde Cheshire Cheese, order a pint of stout and a steak pie.

An hour later, the coppers, now a group of four, have the same
hippie cross-legged on the worn stone pavement as I walk past

and begin my trek back to my hotel room,
on a damp London pre-Olympics evening without you.

[emel]

I am reminded of you visiting friends in Philly. I am feeling
the hollow ache of your absence.

Chris, I can see the images very well but cannot see what reminds you of the visit to Philly or what gives you the hollow ache.  What am I missing here.

[ChrisGeorge]

Wedding-cake spire?

[theirishsea]

Great images---everything is alive, real---and your feelings----I presume for your wife----are given poignant expression---just said without histrionics or overstatement---just fitted in the poem perfectly.

The Philadelphia reminder? It doesn't bother me---wedding-cake spire or not---something---maybe just the city activity---I think the thought comes out naturally.

[emel]

ahh, thanks.  I am a victim of all those poems about mum.

[ChrisGeorge]

Thanks, Dan and Scott.

Chris   

[constantine]

are you back yet? if so, welcome back - if not, come back soon. enjoyed your poem - the interior and exterior vistas.

[ChrisGeorge]

Thanks, Dino. Glad you liked the poem. Yes I am back in rainy Baltimore!

Chris

[ChrisGeorge]

This has been extensively revised.  Any additional comments gratefully received.

Many thanks

Chris

[theirishsea]

I like the couplets (well, pairs of lines separated by a space).

And sorry Chris but the first version is more panoramic. That appeals to me.
The miniatures and the "pissing" change the tone of the poem.

Sorry, I'd vote for the first version.

[david eberhardt]

i like the length of line - unusal for you

my favorite london poem- john davidson's- to london

"Saint Paul above the river rides
Afloat upon ethereal tides"

always puts my hair on end- Eliot owed a lot to him

[ChrisGeorge]

Thanks, Dan and Dave. 

Dan, the original version got heavily attacked by a number of denizens of another site which led to the rewrite.  I will certainly consider your opinion that the original is better. 

Chris

[david eberhardt]

chris- what is the other site- i feel the need to branch out

[ChrisGeorge]

Hi Dave

I am talking about Eratosphere Able Muse where my work regularly gets shot down.  Go to http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/index.php -- first, the requirements are onerous.  You have to post 20 crits of others' works before you can post one of your own works.

Best regards

Chris