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alias shifter
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« on: June 30, 2012, 02:19:20 AM » |
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The wry catbird stands, safely on my railing
Subterfuge asylum, cigar smoke camouflage,
His matchstick legs snap pliant staple talons
His sharp, black beak's not ready to break the ice
The bird's head turns rhythmically, at odd angles
Solid black eyes search the land beyond the rail
With weimaraner grey, his smooth feathers fluff
To cover a golf ball strong body, thicker
Than the ashes I flicked onto an old can,
Tips his rear, reveals a fire breathing burnt orange
Silent, he looks down, then he darts, dives faster
Than an Acapulcan timing the next deep wave,
This bird blinds, as adroitly as a royal dog,
Without intention for garden conversation.
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« Last Edit: July 06, 2012, 04:07:37 AM by alias shifter »
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constantine
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« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2012, 01:04:45 AM » |
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richly detailed. i'm not sure, but i think it's acapulcan.
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alias shifter
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« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2012, 11:05:47 PM » |
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Dino, thanks. I corrected it.
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ChrisGeorge
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« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2012, 12:10:32 AM » |
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Very nice, well written and evocative.
Isn't a catbird always gray? I would suggest just titling the piece "Catbird" and think about whether the qualifier gray really needs to be in the first line since you then employ that descriptor throughout the piece. We get the picture.
Good work, alias.
Chris
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« Last Edit: July 04, 2012, 06:56:38 PM by ChrisGeorge »
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emel
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« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2012, 04:37:27 AM » |
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Got it going on here a.s., it needs a little beak tweak, a peck here and there but not much.
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war is not the answer - Marvin Gaye
but it's not the question either - ML
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alias shifter
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« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2012, 04:09:07 AM » |
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Chris and Scott, thanks. I made some upgrades.
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david eberhardt
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« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2012, 08:07:45 PM » |
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i like this becuz of the love of music in the wds
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alias shifter
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« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2012, 12:06:56 AM » |
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Dave, thanks.
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david eberhardt
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« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2012, 06:22:32 PM » |
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catbirds rule my lawn more than any other- i think they have intelligence like crows- they can mimic other calls i think
i have changed my totem bird to the catbird-
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alias shifter
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« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2012, 03:08:10 AM » |
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They are sly, ballsy birds.
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