HaroHalola
Sr. Member
  
Karma: 3
Posts: 377
"Koyaanisqatsi-Powaqqatsi..."
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« on: January 08, 2008, 02:15:28 PM » |
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Seldom I am never not engaged of you Streaming etched in splendour 'Fore on my eyes, a tattoo.
Of prism'd colors, of dazzled hue, Wanting little, asking less, splaying more In sparks berceuse nay, I anew
With each Dawn folded from Night's view Of Loves' du jour Like a Melody I cease not hearing, true
A Song I cannot abey played, we flew Past Time, du riguer Flew, rue;
Yet to Renaissance Woman, I do Poet into Lore In lieu, in lieu
Renaissance Woman, adieu tho' Noir Seldom I am never not engaged of you 'Fore on my eyes, a tattoo.
H.e.m. 1.6.MMviii.
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"Only Thee Whom Hath Deigned To Truly Live Afeared Of The Death!" H.e.m.
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theirishsea
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« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2008, 03:22:09 PM » |
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The first line is intriguing---a double negative & before that a "seldom" which is also a negative or a qualifier in a way. The thought of this is whittled---a bit shaved here, a bit shaved there, and the peculiar construction surprisingly works.
The basic image is fascinating too---certainly an extraordinary image---a tattoo etched on the retina so that everywhere the I of the poem turns the image of the woman is always before him----of course, this is a metaphorical tattoo, but a strong image---a bit of the surreal & I think more valid than anything Dali created. This is integral.
The second stanza is a bit of qualifying shavings, or shadings as well----part color---that's the visual aspect of the stanza, but no less noticeable is that second line--...."little....less......More". It is an interesting verbal construction. "berceuse" ? A lullaby, but qualified by the splaying sparks---sparks are not soothing. A lot of little things going on in these lines---some irrational, which is a natural property of language, or, at least, poetry.
The 3rd stanza is as complicated----though the style may at first appear eccentric, that is only because the words jostle with one another. We are not in the land of your father's imagery, unless the father is Marcel Duchamp. There is action in the stanzas, not just description. There is reversal and reversal upon reversal.
I'm going to let the rest of the poem go for other people's individual interpretations and readings. This is an odd and original style I think, a Joan Miro of poetry, akin, though very different than the poetry of Justin Sirois, who used to frequent this website.
Perhaps the main impression I get of this style is serious play---there is passion behind the camouflage of words, but the words are as primal as that passion. I think Haro'Halola's poetry can be characterized by one of his own lines:
Of prism'd colors, of dazzled hue
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constantine
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« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2008, 04:14:58 PM » |
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your rhythm is always on the money - never forced. i'm a big believer in that. the flow has to be right or it jars, and will detract or distract the reader unduly.
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HaroHalola
Sr. Member
  
Karma: 3
Posts: 377
"Koyaanisqatsi-Powaqqatsi..."
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« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2008, 04:16:57 PM » |
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T.I.S. - 1st., & foremost, TY! You have found & gleaned much for me happily & heartily to reply; I am ever-reminded of your generous Words early-on (nearly a year), "...a feast of words...", few, if any Comments/Observations of my Work have resonated more Titan. This said (in homage) to One whose scope of Language dwarfs, you have managed my Poem in the manner (manna?) such that I must belie my enamour for this Piece equally for the insight & depth (& effort, hopefully Love's Labor, certainly not Lost on me!) of your Crit. Summarily, "berceuse" is employed as "mitigated/diminished," of course negated, as you have observed - throughout - "negatives upon negatives/reversals in reversals," & here, specifically, "sparks" qualifies the "softness/soothing of Lullaby." The multifold "I" of the Poem, precisely, inescapable "bliss & torment!" Contextually, there was precious-little other motif to employ, as the Poem by definition had to be rife of this tension. And, TY, T.I.S., "It Works!" "Dali?", indeed? Btw, did you know my father, Mssr. Duchamp? Regards from the "other side." LOL! And "Miro" (Wind) of my most coveted. I had Read & Commented early-on to J. Sirois (& he to mine) & you place me into haute space, concomitant w/the other fine/super-fine Poets of the PIB "Family." T.I.S., I can only add I am humbled & appreciative beyond any description I might proffer; and to your denoument in yellow my favorite hue, I endeavor to my Work, "...Said in quite the unprecedented way." Fervently, I look to your Comments incorporated as a Blurb in the Book. In Rhyme - H.E./H.e.m.
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"Only Thee Whom Hath Deigned To Truly Live Afeared Of The Death!" H.e.m.
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HaroHalola
Sr. Member
  
Karma: 3
Posts: 377
"Koyaanisqatsi-Powaqqatsi..."
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« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2008, 04:34:52 PM » |
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C. - Yes, TY; Being "Musical" for an entire Lifetime (Professionally - 40+ yrs.) has aided & abetted the "Rhythms/Flow-Sturm & Drang" as It were; I chuckle, ain't no "$$$$" to be had (even Billy Collins "must" teach), but my Rewards are far-outweighed here, by any(?-LOL!-or equal-to) conventional remunerations. Truly, I say this unabashedly, for you all help me, in sharing, to further my Passion, The Art Of (Unconventional) Poetry. With Love - H.E./H.e.m.
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"Only Thee Whom Hath Deigned To Truly Live Afeared Of The Death!" H.e.m.
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Slazinger
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« Reply #5 on: January 09, 2008, 02:37:01 PM » |
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I don't think I have the semantic capacity to get most of Haro'Halola's stuff, but I enjoyed this one (thanks in part to theirishsea). "'Fore on my eyes, a tattoo." gives me a really great visual.
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Real art is always a gift.
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HaroHalola
Sr. Member
  
Karma: 3
Posts: 377
"Koyaanisqatsi-Powaqqatsi..."
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« Reply #6 on: January 09, 2008, 02:57:11 PM » |
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Slazinger - TY, yes we are overtly beholden to T.I.S. However, consistent w/your own "Signature," "Semantics" are (merely) Words, & I am pleased by your "visual" absorption; hey, not every ball I hit was off the "sweet-spot" of the racquet of your namesake - H.E./H.e.m.
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"Only Thee Whom Hath Deigned To Truly Live Afeared Of The Death!" H.e.m.
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