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[saw]

I've seen far too many monsters
in months other than October,
in the boardrooms in February,
in the halls in June and July ...
hideous creatures
beyond wordly description,
behavior more frightening
than any disfigured latex mask.
I've seen slimy greed bubbling up
from the bottom line
of the black lagoon, oily zombies
rising from the bogs of corporate gunk,
stand up on inhuman feet, trudging
towards my shoreline, long fingernails
pointing, scratching, trying to grab
the shoulders of my reason
to suck my brains through my eye sockets.
I've seen the moral goo slide down
the faces, dripping off in clumps
from slashed Enron cheeks, melted black ice
dripping from the eaves of humanity,
searing holes in the souls everywhere
the globs fall, the acrid smoke belching up,
the demonic buzz words, geek speak
that permeates the inner layers of my senses,
even slipping inside their precious boxes,
as the company ghouls crawl into human souls ...
frankensteins, phantoms, werewolves, vampires
look good compared to the things I've seen.
I try to block the brain-washing commercial mantras,
the steely robotic voices, the dangling chains
of contempt, but they keep coming, stalking
the non-believers, flakes like me that never
signed up for after school clubs,
cheer leading teams.
I flee
just in time,
leaving me to wander the earth
for eternity,
in search of other loving hearts.

[constantine]

the horror...  i like this. don't know about flakes like me to cheer leading teams, seems like it would work well without, but that's a matter of personal choice - consider it though.

[Terri]

Now, that's what I'm talking about!  A Halloween horrorfest for the socio-political soul, an extended metaphor that really works.  I really like the ending (sorry, Dino)--you, the non-team player target for the monsters, heading out like the Wandering Jew or Flying Dutchman "in search of other loving hearts".  Nice finish--makes it more than a "rant".

[constantine]

How dare you Terri? You grow bolder by the minute - by such acts of arrogance the gods will surely bring misfortune into your house, and since I live in that house I feel compelled to give warning. What's for dinner sweetie?

[scottcolburn]

I found this over the top, humorless and relentless.  It could have been a lot shorter and still been long enough.   What is your purpose here?  To vent?  To preach to the choir?  To destroy the monsters?  I may agree with your political opinions, SAW, but the insistence that the horrors of corporate and political elites are worse than those of movie monsters is inane.  Of course they are, because they really exist, unlike vampires and werewolves.  And even in movies the really chilling people are the "normal" ones who espouse monstrous ideas.  So in real life we have people  like Dick and Lynne Cheney, or Bill and Hillary Clinton, for that matter.    I think you aim toward that at the end, but tarring after-school clubs and cheerleaders with the monstrosity brush is pretty unfair.  You end up in a tragically-hip pity party ("leaving me to wander the earth eternally, in search of other loving hearts").  Eternally?  You obviously have better health insurance than I and millions of others.  
 I find that  humor and humility help a lot when you're making a political point.  Try satire, and admit that you may be wrong, I suggest.  That way, you may even get to preach to those not in the choir.    

Scott

[saw]

scott, you really need to take a deep breath, meditate, go for a long walk or something , before you hit the send  button. I really can't understand how another poet would not read your comments as offensive. Quite often your critiques miss every salient point that the authors are trying to make, while flying off on tangents of fantasy you conger up that appear to merely be an outlet for you to amuse yourself. Perhaps you have an overactive imagination. Maybe you could channel that creativity into writing a few good poems to showcase your skills. Sorry my poem went over your head, by I have a tendency to be over the top, humorless, relentless and inane at times. Nothing personal, Scott, I'm sure you understand that. have a great day.

[constantine]

choir auditions tonight at our lady of perpetual outrage.

[Terri]

When Poets Attack: Connotation and Detonation

--Don't like yours, there's nothing good about it
--You didn't get it
          (and by the way, didn't like yours, either)

Fingers poised over the button:

SEND!  Boom!

  "All your base are belong to us"

[Terri]

In a more temperate vein, between what Dino and Scott said,  I'm thinking that maybe another example of the rabid-co-opted-team player syndrome, something that is more deserving of scorn than the after-school clubs, might be good.  I did think, Scott, that you didn't get the tone here---there is a good deal of humor all through this piece, and the over-the-topness was part of it.


Note---"all your base" etc is a video game reference that essentially means "you are conquered"--here's a link http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=all+your+base+are+belong+to+us
to an explanation that's funny in itself

[lesliefmiller]

I wanted to read this poem.  I haven't come here much, and I chose, as my first poem to read, this one.  SAW hits the mark sometimes with me, and he misses the mark sometimes with me, and it's pretty equal.

He and I have gone a few polite rounds over a few of his poems.  

But it figures that I would immediately click on controversy.  I didn't seek it out.  

It was a little refreshing to see someone dislike a poem, even if intensely.  At least it was an honest critique.  What usually happens when we dislike a poem?  Well, we could lie and say we like it.  Or we can comment on a different poem (if you can't say something nice, and all that).  It's usually what I wind up doing.

For one thing, SAW, you have made it clear that there's no such thing as an "expert," though I would disagree; it's why I don't fix my own plumbing or electricity.  I would value the critique of a Mark Strand or a Thomas Lux a bit more than I'd value the critique of an Alan Reese, even though I admire Alan's work immensely.  But that's just me.  I wouldn't speak for you.

Back to the point.  As you know, when I quibble with your poetry, it's usually not the language or the style.  You are mostly economical with your words and elegant in your word choice.  But I find the message sometimes overpowers the form, and that's especially true when you rely on stereotypes to get the message across.

A lot of people come to poems like this in agreement with a message, and it often guides how they feel about the piece.  To me, they are separate but cannot be taken separately.

You are a good writer.  I like it better when you are less message-focused and more image oriented.  That's when I see you shine.

The language here is good, as always, but I think the message paints with too wide a brush.

I hope you don't find my comment rude or disagreeable.  It's only an opinion, and I don't pretend mine is better than anyone else's.  I don't think it, either.  But it is honest.  

Good luck.

[saw]

I appreciate your honesty leslie, and wouldn't expect every poem to resonate with you .....thanks for commenting...this is a good example of how to respond without being rude and full of yourself. ...Good Night Irene....
my final comments on this matter. ... I already feel the tension melting.....
there ...I'm back to my normal loving self again